Funny jokes

Rock, paper, lesbians.

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

Where do mathematicians go to die?

The symmetry.

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?

Yeah, they're pretty holey.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

Why do orphans hate school?

No field trips. Parent signature_____________.

The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.