Fruit jokes
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Applesauce.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
What do you get when Glen fucks an orange?
Adam.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.