Fruit jokes
This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Applesauce.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
What do you get when Glen fucks an orange?
Adam.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Fruit Ninja was a gay weeaboo!
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.