I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
I find bananas very appeeling.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
Question: What do you call 8 apples?
Answer: The iPhone 8.
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Bananana!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
