Friends jokes
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"
I played Uno with my Mexican friend.
That bastard took all the green cards!
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Me: What do you call a group of retards?
Friend: Down town?
Me: Nope, target practice.
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?