Who was Goldilocks' best friend?
Goldie.
How does a skeleton call his friends?
On the tele-bone!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"