Friends jokes
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
My friend wanted to say egg puns, so I told him, "Omelette you do your egg jokes."