Friends jokes
Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
What kind of videos can't orphans watch?
Family-friendly content.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?
Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
*at school*
Nobody: Do you want nuts?
Me: Wait, you have some?
Nobody: Yeah, they're my own.
Me: :0
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!