Friends jokes
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
That one depressed friend.
Your hair and your hairline must be best friends, 'cause they go waaaaay back!
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.
I told them, "because I’m such a noose-ance."
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common? They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
Cheese, gimme cheese!
(inspired by a friend)
So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life