Friends jokes
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?
What is the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?
A ginger with friends.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
I told one of my friends, "You're the reason why gene pools have lifeguards."
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Friend: Name one gay person off the top of your head.
Me: Me.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
Why does the owl 🦉 have a lot of friends?
Because he’s a hoot.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.