Friends jokes

Your forehead and hairline are like friends; they go way back.

I have a trans friend.

He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

My friend: “Vaporeon is my favorite Pokémon.”

Me: “Hey, did you kno-“

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.

He swears by it, but he’s in denial.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

I love friends.

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."