Friends Jokes

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

me: "comment if you love yourself and give me a reason" friends: comments give reason me: "notice how i commented nothing day later mom: let me see your tik tok me: shows her the video mom: calls suicide JK she just beat me for posting a video on her

My friend asked me why I know how to tie a noose.

I told them “because I’m such a noose-ance.”

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."

What do you call a mushroom 🍄 with many friends?

A fungi.

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis.

My friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."

"Wait, wha.."

"What?"

what do you get when you mix up a group of emos??

Suicide squad

There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court.."

i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"

F is for friends who don't talk to you. U is for Ur alone. N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

My friend and I were joking about a wheelchair kid and another kid came up and said to the wheel chair kid you should stand up for your self