Friends jokes

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

The school shooter: "I don't know."

The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

My friend said my life was a joke.

No jokes have meaning.

My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

The dark side of kid songs:

You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!

Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.

Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!

Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?