Friends jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?
I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...
I used to be emo.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?
Because his parents wouldn't let him.
My friend said my life was a joke.
No jokes have meaning.
My handicapped friend was getting bullied. I said, "Just stand up for yourself!"
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
The dark side of kid songs:
You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!
Robin Hood [hands over stolen fortune]: here you are, my poor friend.
Friend: Wow thanks, I'm rich!
Robin [narrows eyes]: You're what?
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"