New Friends Jokes - Page 73 - Worst Jokes Ever

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.

I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?

They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."

My friend's life.

I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.

They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...