Friends jokes

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"

My friends.

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!

Why did the noble gas cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

"Lazy."