my friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day she was pulled in by a strong "currant"
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's is blue too.
(meaning sad)
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it) I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jack, Ass.
You: Finds a time clock that can change time
Your friend the next day: Hey, can borrow yo' house
You: No I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME
Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again
RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!! Richard: What???? Rick: So Before donald trumps impeachment he said " The CoronaVirus will end on march 32nd 2021 Richard: Your from planet arth where there's a march 32nd enjoy it *stupid dumb fuck brother* Rick: Oh I will *It was the day March 21st* *9 Days later* *March 31st* Rick: oh I cant want until tomarrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so exited im gonna give my friends a big'ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man *one day later* *He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it* Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING !ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS *Richard* *oh he's the dumbass*
if ur sis mack u mad saw go to ur frundy home play if ur sis sud no go tell mom
My friend has a shovel made of gold I guess you could call him a Gold digger
BFF:DUDE, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
Me:What no way its 2:58 am
BFF:but i just found my brothers secret stash of oreos!!!!!
Me:I'll be over in 5 minutes
my friends mom died and he also died by a crash
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
Son:Daddy? Dad: Why tf do you keep calling me daddy, Your 11 years old feminine gay hoe Son: Whoa!? Daddy whats that Dad: Wtf are you talking about? Son: Your dick has it goten more tastier? Son: Ooh... I..... Just.... Wanna.... Sssuuc Dad: ooh nope im not havin a gay hoe's feind in my house no quit lookin at my dick you need some pussy Son: eeeeeewwwwwwwwwww nooooo plz no plz Dad: Shut the fuck up: ehr em Mom: What the fugde is going on? Dad: Our sons a gay bitch Mom Launguage' so? i need to teach him how to like a girl huh? Dad: Yes Ma'am Plz Mom: Okay Mom: Herman Getch'er gay ass in my bed but naked i'll be there in 10 Son: wha whey huh ur gonna... wtf?!?!?!?? Mom: Quit cursing im gonna fuck u extra hard!! Son: Ewww imm gonna fuck my mom even though she is hot sexy but eeewwww Mom: Shut it!!!, or imma recordid and *fliped her hair taking off her panies(pussy naked)* And show this to ur gay fuck friends! Son: Huh Son: Mom FUCK U* Mom: Okay baby imma fuck u in a minute lemme tak my bra off Son:UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH Son: moms are the worst are they? Me no there not sometimes but i love them teheheteheh
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
me: "comment if you love yourself and give me a reason" friends: comments give reason me: "notice how i commented nothing day later mom: let me see your tik tok me: shows her the video mom: calls suicide JK she just beat me for posting a video on her
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Me: what do you call 4 depressed kids
my friend: what?
me: the suicide squad
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no.' He says to his friend' if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Dont worry' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no' the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'Whats the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
E SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA this is why I dont have friends:(
Me:Hi My name is Bro:Hey Guys So who you Me:Hey Stop Dude Bro:How is it going bro- Me:SHUT UP Bro:Is that a gun Me:*Pointing at bro* Bro:Dude i'm Me:*BANG* *BANG* Me:Finally its over
