Found jokes

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

TV: Water found on Mars...

Mars: 1

Africa: 0

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I went to the store and bought Minecraft Java Edition.

I found a village, burned it down, and then I went home and played Minecraft.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

Hi guys, I just found this website. I got emailed by joshisboss or something. Have a great day! 👍

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

What is a geographical discovery? Little Johnny found his geography homework undone.

I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.

What would they do? Go to their family?

"Hey, hey, Spongebob! Water you doing?" [laughs]

"Just looking for all my coins with my metal detector because beach better have my money!" [laughs]

"How much have you found so far?"

"Y'know what, I'm not really shore!" [laughs]

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."