Found jokes

Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.

Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.

The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.

What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

- He robbed children of their innocence.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

Fun fact: Most of the black holes in the universe are found in Africa!

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Scientists found water on Mars, mars-1 africa-0.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.

11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.

11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.

11:45 - Realized watch was broken.

What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.

I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.