Food jokes
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?
'Cause he was in need of a light snack!
Pineapple turnover.
A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud!
Why are grapes never alone?
Because they hang out in a bunch!
It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.
From the makers of Mangeone...
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.