Food jokes
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*
All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?
People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!
People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
One gets picked.
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
'Cause mommy never gave them some.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple got chosen.
You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream!
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for buns!
Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for a butt!