Food jokes
Why are grapes never alone?
Because they hang out in a bunch!
It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.
From the makers of Mangeone...
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.
Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?
A family pizza.
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
(classic)
Why did the chicken go to the restaurant?
To eat chicken!
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.