In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
I’m going to open my own Mexican restaurant and call it boarder patrol.
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
I ordered a pizza with everything on it, but I got a plain pizza.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Hello, welcome to abortion pizza. Your loss is our sauce.
What do you call a doctor in Panera Bread?
Panera Med.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
What do orphans get at restaurants?
The family meal.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Why are the people that get your order at restaurants called waiters? They don't wait for the food; we wait for the food. They should be called "note takers." They take notes for food.
What’s the difference between McDonald’s and 9/11?
One is a drive through; the other is a fly through.
Lol, the Twin Towers ordered a drop in from Pizza Hut, but instead they got a hot and ready from Jet's.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
Little Johnny is a trucker. He stops at a bar. Johnny sees a sign that says, "Hamburgers for two dollars, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars." He walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?" She replies, "Yes, that's me." Johnny says, "Well, can you wash your hands because I want a cheeseburger?"
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"
