Fitness jokes
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
Total gym.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
What was the one test Stephen Hawking couldn't pass? The beep test.
Me: Hi Kallen.
Kallen: Hi.
Me: You're too big to fit in my car.
I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.
I have to call Bovfa. What's Bovfa? Bovfa deez nuts fit in your mouth.
"Orla Doyle is fit."
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...