Fitness jokes
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?
Just trying to fit in.
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
Never eat more than you can lift.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What did Goodlife Fitness say to LA Fitness? "I guess it's just not 'working out'!"