Fired jokes
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
So the fire alarm went off, but as soon as they walked out of the classroom, the only fire they saw was out of a gun.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
The ultimate speedrun
Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing with the bent one.
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
Little Johnny asks a fireman, "Do you want to see my fire truck?"
So the fireman goes to look at it. Little Johnny tested it. "I got my hat in my fire truck."
So the fireman says, "Last night's alright, but why is it tied up to you wagging?" And he looks closer and sees the string is tied up in knots. He said, "That's nice all right, but why is it tied up to his nuts?"
The little Johnny said, "Well that's my son," and so he yanks on it.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
Because he got fired!
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.
I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
One day there were these 3 cowboys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures. Well, the first cowboy said, "I tangled with a bull that killed 6 people, so I wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands."
The second cowboy said, "That's nothing. Yesterday I was walking on a trail and came across a rattler, so I picked it up, bit its head off, and drank all his venom in one gulp."
The third cowboy remained quiet, stirring the embers of the fire with his penis.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!