Fired jokes

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

Why does fireman wear red suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

The sun is fire.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

What's Stephen Hawking called on fire?

Hot Wheels :)

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

With their FIRE LYRICS!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

Q: What song were the pilots of 9/11 listening to? A: 'So Let's Set The World On Fire.'

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.