Fired jokes

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

What's black and found on top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

What do you call a gay kid on fire? LGBBQ.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?

They're both hot, but they're both quiet.

There was a school fire. I pushed the wheelchair kid into the fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and said, "Hot Wheels!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire.

Now we call him hot wheels.

Why does fireman wear red suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Be careful around fire, plastic melts.

The sun is fire.

Q: What song were the pilots of 9/11 listening to? A: 'So Let's Set The World On Fire.'

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

How do rappers stay warm in the winter?

With their FIRE LYRICS!