"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
Fired Jokes
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels! We'll see him soon.
Chimmy: (smoking because of fireplace)
Chimmy2: You're too young to smoke.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? "HOT WHEELS"
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
