Back

Fired jokes

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

  • 4

    • What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

    Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

    It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

    What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

    — You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

    I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

    Superman has been called to a huge house fire.

    Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"

    Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"

    Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."

    What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

    Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

    Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

    Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

    Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

    Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

  • 1

    • Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

    Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

    Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

    Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

    What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

    The bear has common sense not to fire it.

  • 2

    • I was staying over at my friend's; for the purpose of the joke, he shall be called Kian. It was 03:00 am and everyone else was asleep when I heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it. Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge; it was thought he had a huge slong.

    The banging was getting louder, and so too was my heartbeat. I opened John's door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked. There was a glory hole through the wall where I could make it Kian's ass. This is what I have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts, which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards John. I shoved [my] 1-inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, "You little gimp, get on the bed."

    Kian came in the room with a 2-litre bottle of Irn Bru. He demanded, "What the fudge are you doing?"

    I replied smoothly, "Kian, you tracksuit warrior, you have a camel toe!"

    Kian fires back, "Shut it, Paul, you have genital warts!"

    John screams, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

    He then gives us it so rough I can't walk the next day, but [I] feel pleasured for eternity.

    By Lewis

  • 3

    • Apex Legends: exists.

    Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."

    Charizarding.

    When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"