Fired jokes
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's Stephen Hawking called on fire?
Hot Wheels :)
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?
— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!