Fired jokes

Toast

5 views ·

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

Hamster

23 views ·

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

Bank

1 view ·

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Top

13 views ·

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking during a house fire.

Wheelchair

3 views ·

I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"

Anxiety

1 view ·

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Fire

4 views ·

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.