Hotness

Anonymous

What do you call Stephan hawkings on fire HOT WHEELS

Poor

OreoFan

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Puns

Anonymous

wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now

Priest

cunt

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“FUCK THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

Chair

P....

Whats black and sitting in a chair. Steven hawking after a house fire

Blonde

Madison R.

Why Was The Blonde Fired From The M&M Factory?

For Throwing Out the W’s

Kid

Wheelchair

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Puns

Anonymous

I can’t believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean… All I did was take a day off!

Difference

Adam and Steve

whats the difference between a bear with a gun and an American Man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it

Baby

bigpapi

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Make

Anonymous

How do you make a cat go “woof”? … douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! “woof!”

Wood

Morning Wood

wood fired pizza?

hows pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O

please drop a like

Man

Anonymous

Why did the man put himself on fire? To BURN Calories.

Breath

Kameron ray

your breath is so hot it mad the chicgo fire.

Puns

Anonymous

Did you hear about the man that got fired from is can job? It was soda-pressing

Ball

Ay Ay Ay im on a vayk

My aunt worked as a human cannon ball

I’m not sure if she was good at it until she got fired

Puns

Dream bot

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

Girl

your _____

Charizarding When you light a girls pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz then flap your arms and say “You don’t have have enough badges to train me”

Depression

Kejel

One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’

  • ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’
  • I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

Time

bigpapi

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

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