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There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.

When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."

The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"No, I need to know your name."

"Shut up."

"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"

"Round the corner picking up shit."

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"

You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?

Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.

I only cut to find out if I'm real or cake.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.