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Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
Madeline Mcannot find her.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To try to find his parents, but it was FREAKING USELESS!
By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
There is only one reason why I find women useful.
That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.