Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Yo mama is so poor, she asked a homeless guy for money.
Was he under insurance claim?
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
What has a head and tail but no legs?
A penny.
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
The IRS came to this man's house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money that's been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man thought, "Maybe I need to get a lawyer." So he and his lawyer get to the IRS's office and sit down, and the agent said, "There has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account, and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it." The man says, "Yes, I do. I'm a gambler." The agent says, "You gamble with that much money?" The man says, "Yes, I'll give you an example. Alright, I bet you $5,000 that I can bite my left eye." Agent says, "Alright, deal." The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agent says, "That's not fair." The man says, "I'll let you get your money back, or even more. I bet you $7,500 I can bite my right eye." The agent, thinking, "I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick," so the agent says, "Deal." The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says, "That's not fair." The man replies, "Alright, I have another one. You're down $12,500. I'll bet you $15,000, if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room, I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere." The agent says, "That's impossible, you've got a deal." The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk, and the agent says, "I got you!" He's laughing and happy that he finally beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face, and the agent asked, "What's wrong with you?" and the lawyer replies, "The man bet me $100,000 he could piss on your desk, and you'd just love it."
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
