Feet jokes
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
What do you call a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
What do you say to a foot that got beaten at everything?
De-feeted (Defeated)
Yesterday, I tickled my granddaughter's feet.
She is being born in 2 months.
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
Other girls be like, "I want a 6ft guy", meanwhile I want to be 6ft under. 😃👍
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
One day I went skating and skated for so long that my feet were incredibly sore.
It was like my skates were moving all by themselves, but I decided to just roll with the situation.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
I think there will be many more jokes afoot! 👣
I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.
What do you get when you go to the beach and you get a tan on your feet?
Tan toes.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"