Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
