Feel jokes
If R. Kelly was a therapist:
14 year old: I hate my life.
R. Kelly: I feel you.
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
Don't you just love wrecking little girl's pussies? Like the tight feeling is just amazing. The great amount [of] ecstasy you feel when you cum and they get all squirmy. It's just the best.
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?
Butter.
I feel bad for the people who died in 2001. Those poor terrorists died doing their job.
I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.