Fear jokes
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
Me: I will rape you!
Woman: NOOOOOO!!! I AM TOO SCARED TO GET "RAPED"!
Why do women be like this?
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
Don't scare me! I poop easily!
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sun burns. The sun knows better.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
Your hairline is so far back, even Shaggy and Scooby ran away!
Yo mama so ugly that she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.