Father's jokes
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?
Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
Why do orphans only have 360 days?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's days.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
Why do orphans love going to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.