Father's jokes
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "father."
My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.
I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Why do orphans love going to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.
The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"
Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"
Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year?
Because they don't have a Mother's and Father's Day.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
Why do orphans only have 360 days?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's days.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Friend: Why?
Me: Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh, Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to live for!”
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.