Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.
Your mum is so fat, when I was driving I had to swerve to avoid [her]. By the time I had finished, I had ran out of gas.
Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
What do you call a fat Chinese person that talks way too much? Panda Express.
Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.
My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
Your mama's so fat, when she grew an inch, she pushed the Earth down.
