Family Jokes

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

What is an orphan's favorite show?

Batman.

One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

Trying out this new golf cart and just hit a family
of 4! Talk about a squad wipe! #noskins

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”

No sun.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"