Family jokes

So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"

Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"

Billy: *spits out food*

Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.

Dad: *looks at mom*

Mom: Shut up.

If you get it, you get it.

What can you never tell an orphan?

Go home to your parents.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

What is an orphan's favorite show?

Batman.