Family jokes
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!
"No Way Home" is just the life of an orphan.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
Because he can't get home.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
What should you never say to an orphan?
"Your Mom."
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
Your mom's so fat, she fell.
My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back.
What is an orphan's favorite No Way Home?