Family jokes

There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.

What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.

I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.

Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

What is an orphan's favorite show?

Batman.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

Alabama.

Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.