Family jokes
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.