Family jokes
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!