Family jokes
Me: "I like kids."
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
I like my kids how I like my lights, Hanging from the ceiling.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"
"Who was in the race?"
"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.