Family jokes
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
My sister thinks she's so smart, she said onions are the only food that makes you cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."
My friends: "What's your dream job?"
Me: "I'm going to die young :))"
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play Monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
Joe mama so fat she went wearing high heels and came back in flip flops.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).