Family

Family jokes

Coconut

My sister said she was as fat as a coconut, so I threw one at her and she was right.

Orphan

If you hit 9999 orphans and they all tell each other, are the other orphans their parents???

Orphan

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Man

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

Mother

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*

Mum

Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.

Wap

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

Cancer

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

Baby

Doctor: Hands husband his baby.

Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Husband: Then give me the one she made.

Death

Kid goes to the kitchen.

Mom: What are you doing here?

Kid: Just checking out the knife.

Mom: So you've chosen death.

Orphan

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home plate is.