Family jokes
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet? A: There are 11 letters in The Alphabet
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy)
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle)
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ? A: David!
Q: If you were in a rainforest, what would be the first thing you put on? A: The radio!
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.
Question and answer 🙄
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
You know we straight with doin' your mom.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?
One is wanted.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Like this if you are in foster care.
Well, at least my adoption fee cost more than you.
How to make an orphan's hand bleed? By making them clap until their parents come back.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.