Family jokes
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Sisters before misters.
I hope you get better.
I love you.
Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
what you get
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
Joe Mama!
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
Your hairline is so ugly it looks worse than your mom's.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
Yo daddy so ugly he want them ice.
Why are there only 362 days in an orphan's calendar? They don’t have Father's Day, Mother's Day, or Family Day.
Why do orphans hate going in public?
Because there's kids out with their parents.
Hey, don’t Orpheus have friends because people do have family?
You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!
Q: Why don’t orphans have a personality?
A: They don’t have a person in reality!
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?