Family jokes
I think my dad is too black because whenever he goes to bed and closes his eyes, he disappears. 🤣
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't find their parents.
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
I once gave birth to 3 children.
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
My son always said he wanted to skydive, so we went on a plane, and mid-flight, we had to jump out. The only issue is we were on a commercial flight to Arizona.
My mom is bad and my dad is bad.
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."