Family

Family jokes

Orphan

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.

Orphan

Why can't orphans go to the store? Because they throw everything around.

Mama

Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.

Orphan

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."

Insult

Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"

(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)

Poirier: Really, bitch?

Wap

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.

Ear

Why does Sophia have no ears? Her mom gave her, her first haircut.

Poop

Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.

Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.

Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Dad

What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."

Orphan

What do orphans call a holiday?

A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.

Mum

Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.

Mother

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.

*guitar solo*