Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
Q: What is the difference between a dead body and an orphan?
A: The dead body had a family.
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
Why doesn’t the orphan have any toys? Because his Lego figures ran away too.
LISTEN ITS GOOD
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Home Alone.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
Why can’t orphans live?
They don’t have parents.
Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?
Other man: Because.
Man: Because why!?
Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?
How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
What did Love name his daughter?
Sweetheart. ♥
Yo mama such a quitter, she di[ed].
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
My dad was on a hotdog with ketchup.
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.