Family jokes

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!

They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!

When your mum tells you to help your granny.

And you unplug life support!

Your family in a nutshell.

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?

I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.

What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?

A fossil.

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

"Doin' doin' your mom, doin' doin' your mom."

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!

What stresses a baby strawberry out?

When its mom is in a jam.

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?

Because they don't have a Father's Day.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

Why do some kids have water with their cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.