Family jokes
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
Your mom gay, lol.
Are the three little pigs orphans because their mom kicked them out of the house?
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
I caught my mom licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that?" She replied, "I’m doing it for practice for who could suck the best dick contest in the neighborhood."
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your dad.
But my dad's dead.
I know, just reminding you!
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
Why can’t organs have a family bag of chips?
Because they have no family to share it with.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.