Family jokes

What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

A dad is in a wheelchair and his daughter goes, "Don't step on a crack!"

Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because there is no home.

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.

Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?