Family jokes
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Incest is wincest.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
"Ur mum is big."
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
Yo momma's so gay, you sucked her balls.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Why do orphans not know how to spell?
Because no one likes them, dumb people. 🤭🤡
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: _________
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.