Family jokes
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."😳
How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They do not have anyone to call "daddy."
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Incest is wincest.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Yo mama is Dora.