Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have no home to run to.
Get it?
That's all is needed to complete my day
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital." "Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
Why do orphans eat their cereal dry? Their dad hasn’t come back with the milk.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
If you’re bored, just punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What thing can an orphan do best?
Stay at home alone.
What do you call a crazy-in-every-way sister?
A sissy.
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
Read my name.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Why do orphans suck at web design?
They don’t know what a home page is.