Family

Family jokes

Orphan

Why do orphans live on the street?

They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.

Suicide

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

Memes

Land Mine

I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.

Orphan

Why do orphans love to go to church?

Because they can finally call someone "father!"

Orphan

Why are orphans lucky?

Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.

Orphan

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.

Conductor

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

Orphan

Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?

Me: Because they can't get a homerun.

Orphan

What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?

They have no one to call "Dad."

Orphan

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

Orphan

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

Sister

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

Sex

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

Orphan

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.