Family jokes
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.
Guess what.
What?
Your mum saw your 1 inch.
The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
Cancer doesn't leave.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their home.😁😁
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
Because they need a parent’s signature.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't find home.
Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.