Family jokes

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find their home.😁😁

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home! 😂🤣

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they need a parent’s signature.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: They can't find home.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

Ur mom gay.