Family jokes
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.
You should always be happy about family and love.
What is an orphan's favorite song?
"Home."
What's the difference between you and your mom?
I slept with your mom.
What shows do orphans dream of?
Full House or Fuller House.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
How many foster parents does each orphan have?
One half.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.
Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?