Family jokes
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.
Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?
Because they have no one to tell them off.
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.
Why can’t an orphan have a dog? It always runs away.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
"Hey Modda, I'm hungry."
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
Why do orphans go to church?
So at least they will have someone to call father.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
Why can’t orphans celebrate Christmas?
Because they have no family.
In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"