Family jokes
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
"What did the orphan say to the other orphan? \"You have a dad? Say he can have me, I will (let) you, so he can adopt me.\""
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.
What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?
Nothing, they both stain.
Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their home.😁😁
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏
Little Johnny goes to his mum and asks, "Mummy, what's rape?"
Little Johnny's mum answers, "The way you got here."
My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.
In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.